Well I had the confidence sex. And wow. It was good! So good I can’t stop thinking about it. It was just what I needed. Intense, hot, steamy and some bloody good kisses. Did it boost my confidence? Yes. To the level I had hoped? No. Rugby has obviously learnt his lesson and he isn’t smothering me anymore. So should I invite him around again? I am totally just using him for him body…. I do feel slightly bad about that. He is such a nice guy, but I hope he knows that I’m just here for the sex. He did make mention of it when we were together…. asking about other men in my life and how I’m always so busy… haha What a whore I am.
I am going on a date tomorrow. With a white guy. An Irish white guy. We will call him Irish. We’ve been chatting online for ages and I have put off meeting him once and now the time has come where I have to get off my fat ass an meet him. He seems great. We have great banter. But… well there is always a but isn’t there. I am worried about my single life. My nights like tonight, where I am half cut, cooking a feast, listening to my tunes and just having a merry ol time by myself. I don’t want to lose this. I love this time with myself. I crave this time with myself. Is this is curse of the long time single woman? We fall in love with ourselves so only need men for the sex? Have I turned into this person? Irish works in the mines (FIFO) – two weeks on, 1 week off. So it could work. I would still have my time and then have him when he is back. The FIFO life does not turn me on though. Falling in love with someone who is away for so long does not excite me at all, but it could work, couldn’t it?
First step thou is getting my ass outta the house and just going to the date in the first place. He is the first guy I have met online that I have actually wanted to meet in a very long time so I just gotta push myself to go. I still feel like I am pushed to do this because society tells me too. I must find a partner. I can’t feel complete without a man by my side. I dunno. I could get all up in my head about it, but I am trying to think of it as a pint with my friend at the pub. Nothing more nothing less.
I gotta try don’t I?
He may be the love of my life. He may be the best sex I’ve ever had. I may meet him once and then never see him again. It’s a game of chance.
I prefer being single when I don’t play the game of chance and just invite ex’s over for sex to get me through and then just get on with my life….. Anyhoo society says find a man, so I will see how I go with Irish…
neverflirtwithafatgirl 