Tag Archives: men

I need to be Strong. Stronger than before.

It’s Friday night again, and for me it’s the perfect time to reflect.  A glass of wine, some groovy tunes and sunset on my balcony.  Serenity at it’s best.  Except my mind can’t rest.  My mind keeps going back to him.  Yup. Him. That bloody annoying Ex that will not get out of my brain.   Is this what love is?  If it is I want out!

So to play catch ups… The Ex left to go overseas.  For a long time. Business… you know… all that. Before he left I asked him for the money he owes me.  $2500. He promised me a million times that I would have it before he left the country.  Yeah Right. He left the country and I didn’t see a penny.  So it was ultimatum time.  But I can’t give him an ultimatum.  I had to be smarter than that.  An ultimatum would not work in my favour.  So I sent him this:

“Ok this is the last time I am mentioning this. Please have the money in my account by this Friday the 15th of August. If it is not there by then I’ll assume you do not want to be friends anymore and that will be the last we see of each other.  Your choice.”

So do you think I saw any money? No I did not. Do you think I got a response?  I did not.  I didn’t contact him.  I thought to myself, if you don’t have enough respect for me to even reply you can go fuck yourself.  So I am trying to hold my ground and not contact him.  I think I am doing really well at sticking to my guns.  He messaged me about a month ago to ask if he could stay at my place when he gets back, which is in a few days, I said the standard room rate is $2500.  He just laughed.

I have tried to move on.  I really have.  I met, (and by met I mean have chatted to online) this amazing man and we got along like a house on fire.  We just clicked instantaneously.  It felt like it was going to be the next big romance.  And then he ghosted me.  Just like that.  No explanation, no sorry I’m not interested, nothing.  I am telling myself that something must have happened in his life, because I can’t for the life of me understand what happened.  So that means I am back to square one.   I have the Fijian up my sleeve but he is just after sex and is really really full on about always catching up.  I feel like I can’t breathe when he is back in town.  I need more than sex.  I need love.  I need affection. I need someone to love.

So my issue is… the Ex is back in a few days if his plans haven’t changed.  I know that I can’t let him back in my life without him paying me my money.  Cos if I let him back in without him giving it back, who am I?  I am his door mat again, and I refuse to do that.  I need to remember I have balls and I need to hold onto them!! I demand that respect back.  Problem is… I miss him with every bloody fiber of my being.  This is going to be the fight of my life with my emotions, and I just hope the next time I write here, that it is a positive story and not other downward spiral with a narcissist.

I have blossomed since he left.  Joined a gym, got a promotion at work, starting living my life again the way that I want to live it.

Follow your brains Fat Girl.  Not your heart.  Because your heart will send you straight back into his arms.  Be smart. Be assertive and don’t go back on your word.

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Bbw vs The Trophy Wife

Before I even start this, I want to state for the record:  I have no issues with skinny girls, fit girls, tall girls, any girls that differ from me.  I’m all about body positivity actually.  Love who you are and all that shit.  Which brings me to my point.  If you love who you are and are true to yourself why do you bend to society and become a shallow face fuck.

Let me explain myself.

I have been continually over looked by men because I am a bbw.  But, I am overlooked only when it comes to long term relationships and the big commitments.  Definitely not overlooked when it comes to sex and having fun.  Well shit, bbw’s do it right don’t they.   In my life I have come across many men that love a bbw.  They go on and on about how they love the curves, love the softness, love the look, the chunky thighs, the big asses, the round bellies, all that stuff.  How they are not attracted to skinny woman.  How they could never fuck a skinny woman.  Then low and behold…. I get dropped for the Trophy wife. You know, the skinny beautiful woman that looks good in anything she wears and is pretty to look at and makes all your mates envious cos she’s ‘hot’.

So what I am finding is that a lot of men are closet bbw lovers.  Bbw’s are good enough to fuck.  Good enough to play around with, but not really socially acceptable to marry, or be in a committed relationship with.

I can tell what you are thinking…. You are thinking that there is probably something wrong with me and that’s why I’m still single and 35.  That’s what you are thinking right?  I actually don’t blame you for thinking like that.  I probably would too.  But trust me, I’m pretty normal.  Whatever normal is.

So why do men in this day and age, where it is ok to be yourself and do what ever you want, still find the need to have the trophy wife or girlfriend on their arm?  Someone for everyone else to think is hot and fuckable? Why don’t you, be with the person you’re really attracted too?

Case in point, I love a black man.  Love everything about them.  I don’t hide this.  I don’t pretend to like white blokes to fit in, make other people comfortable or be socially acceptable.  I like what I like and I couldn’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks.  Ohhh interracial is so taboo… Ahh fuck off and get educated.

I guess I am just frustrated by always getting past over for women that are no better than me.  No prettier, no smarter, no funnier…. just skinnier.   I’d be fine with it if I knew the bloke wasn’t a closet bbw lover.  Be free.  Love who you love.  Don’t be ashamed by any of it.