It’s Friday night again, and for me it’s the perfect time to reflect. A glass of wine, some groovy tunes and sunset on my balcony. Serenity at it’s best. Except my mind can’t rest. My mind keeps going back to him. Yup. Him. That bloody annoying Ex that will not get out of my brain. Is this what love is? If it is I want out!
So to play catch ups… The Ex left to go overseas. For a long time. Business… you know… all that. Before he left I asked him for the money he owes me. $2500. He promised me a million times that I would have it before he left the country. Yeah Right. He left the country and I didn’t see a penny. So it was ultimatum time. But I can’t give him an ultimatum. I had to be smarter than that. An ultimatum would not work in my favour. So I sent him this:
“Ok this is the last time I am mentioning this. Please have the money in my account by this Friday the 15th of August. If it is not there by then I’ll assume you do not want to be friends anymore and that will be the last we see of each other. Your choice.”
So do you think I saw any money? No I did not. Do you think I got a response? I did not. I didn’t contact him. I thought to myself, if you don’t have enough respect for me to even reply you can go fuck yourself. So I am trying to hold my ground and not contact him. I think I am doing really well at sticking to my guns. He messaged me about a month ago to ask if he could stay at my place when he gets back, which is in a few days, I said the standard room rate is $2500. He just laughed.
I have tried to move on. I really have. I met, (and by met I mean have chatted to online) this amazing man and we got along like a house on fire. We just clicked instantaneously. It felt like it was going to be the next big romance. And then he ghosted me. Just like that. No explanation, no sorry I’m not interested, nothing. I am telling myself that something must have happened in his life, because I can’t for the life of me understand what happened. So that means I am back to square one. I have the Fijian up my sleeve but he is just after sex and is really really full on about always catching up. I feel like I can’t breathe when he is back in town. I need more than sex. I need love. I need affection. I need someone to love.
So my issue is… the Ex is back in a few days if his plans haven’t changed. I know that I can’t let him back in my life without him paying me my money. Cos if I let him back in without him giving it back, who am I? I am his door mat again, and I refuse to do that. I need to remember I have balls and I need to hold onto them!! I demand that respect back. Problem is… I miss him with every bloody fiber of my being. This is going to be the fight of my life with my emotions, and I just hope the next time I write here, that it is a positive story and not other downward spiral with a narcissist.
I have blossomed since he left. Joined a gym, got a promotion at work, starting living my life again the way that I want to live it.
Follow your brains Fat Girl. Not your heart. Because your heart will send you straight back into his arms. Be smart. Be assertive and don’t go back on your word.