Tag Archives: fat

I need to be Strong. Stronger than before.

It’s Friday night again, and for me it’s the perfect time to reflect.  A glass of wine, some groovy tunes and sunset on my balcony.  Serenity at it’s best.  Except my mind can’t rest.  My mind keeps going back to him.  Yup. Him. That bloody annoying Ex that will not get out of my brain.   Is this what love is?  If it is I want out!

So to play catch ups… The Ex left to go overseas.  For a long time. Business… you know… all that. Before he left I asked him for the money he owes me.  $2500. He promised me a million times that I would have it before he left the country.  Yeah Right. He left the country and I didn’t see a penny.  So it was ultimatum time.  But I can’t give him an ultimatum.  I had to be smarter than that.  An ultimatum would not work in my favour.  So I sent him this:

“Ok this is the last time I am mentioning this. Please have the money in my account by this Friday the 15th of August. If it is not there by then I’ll assume you do not want to be friends anymore and that will be the last we see of each other.  Your choice.”

So do you think I saw any money? No I did not. Do you think I got a response?  I did not.  I didn’t contact him.  I thought to myself, if you don’t have enough respect for me to even reply you can go fuck yourself.  So I am trying to hold my ground and not contact him.  I think I am doing really well at sticking to my guns.  He messaged me about a month ago to ask if he could stay at my place when he gets back, which is in a few days, I said the standard room rate is $2500.  He just laughed.

I have tried to move on.  I really have.  I met, (and by met I mean have chatted to online) this amazing man and we got along like a house on fire.  We just clicked instantaneously.  It felt like it was going to be the next big romance.  And then he ghosted me.  Just like that.  No explanation, no sorry I’m not interested, nothing.  I am telling myself that something must have happened in his life, because I can’t for the life of me understand what happened.  So that means I am back to square one.   I have the Fijian up my sleeve but he is just after sex and is really really full on about always catching up.  I feel like I can’t breathe when he is back in town.  I need more than sex.  I need love.  I need affection. I need someone to love.

So my issue is… the Ex is back in a few days if his plans haven’t changed.  I know that I can’t let him back in my life without him paying me my money.  Cos if I let him back in without him giving it back, who am I?  I am his door mat again, and I refuse to do that.  I need to remember I have balls and I need to hold onto them!! I demand that respect back.  Problem is… I miss him with every bloody fiber of my being.  This is going to be the fight of my life with my emotions, and I just hope the next time I write here, that it is a positive story and not other downward spiral with a narcissist.

I have blossomed since he left.  Joined a gym, got a promotion at work, starting living my life again the way that I want to live it.

Follow your brains Fat Girl.  Not your heart.  Because your heart will send you straight back into his arms.  Be smart. Be assertive and don’t go back on your word.

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Fat people are people too.

This is a bit off topic than what I normally blog about, but it has been bothering me so I need to vent it out.

I had to go to the Doctor the other day.  I don’t want to go into any gross detail, but I was in a lot of pain in an awkward area.  My regular Doctor wasn’t available so I went to another one in the centre from a recommendation from my brother.  The Doctor was perfectly pleasant and easy to talk to, which was great.  What wasn’t great though, was that he completely did nothing about my current problem and all he talked to me about was my weight.

The words went like this:  “You definitely have Diabetes” “You’ll most likely get off an aeroplane one day and have a massive clot and die” “My wife was your size.  She died at 32” “I’m giving you the shake up that you need”

Ok,  I get that the Doctor needs to warn his patients of the health risks of obesity.  I get it. But how about treating what the patient has come in for first, and then as a secondary message, getting some background on your patient before you go hell for leather on them.  I left the appointment with no understanding of what was wrong with me, how to treat the wound or the pain, how long the symptoms would last for and the further outcome.  I had to go to see a Chemist to get that information.  Get the right bandages, pro-biotics etc.  All the Doctor saw was fat. I wasn’t a person.  I didn’t have any other issues but fatness.  Everything wrong with me is because of fatness.  My test results came back clear.  I don’t have Diabetes.  What am I concerned about now, is because of his one eyed approach, maybe he has missed something else.  The reason behind this issue.  The reason I went to the Doctor in the first place.  Missed it.  And because of that, it is re-occuring.

The thing that also pissed me off, he didn’t ask me any questions. It was the first time he had met me and he didn’t ask me anything.  Family history, exercise regime, food habits.  Just assumed I am a lazy ass fat woman that doesn’t exercise or eat vegetables.

I know he came from a good place, he just completely executed his words wrong.  Problem is, because of that, it will make me less inclined to go back to the Doctor when I need to.  I wonder how often this happens? And then the medical profession probably wonder why people leave things un-diagnosed and untreated.

People need to change their attitude.  No matter if you are fat, skinny, black, white, tall, short, ugly etc we all need to be treated the same.  Not with kid gloves, but with respect.

Ok rant over.  I’m off to eat a carrot stick and go to the gym.