So my ex rang me today, sad, distraught and in a pretty bad state. This is the same Ex I have been sleeping with and the reason for most of these blog posts.
He rang me to tell me that he just assaulted his wife. He snapped and had her up against a wall by the neck. It was a scary phone call. He has spoken before about the violence in their relationship and how he snaps and goes crazy. It is a confronting topic and one I don’t feel comfortable in talking about with my friends. It was hard to give him advice. Hard not to want to punch him in the face myself. The two of them have such a toxic relationship and neither party can step away from the other one and its just plain ass fucking weird.
I don’t tolerate domestic violence. No woman should have to worry about the man that loves her, striking her, intimidating her, or abusing her in anyway. What makes me wonder though about these two fucktards, is 1) why are they still together when they both know the relationship is toxic? 2) Why does she provoke him in a way that she knows what the end result will be? 3) Why can’t he walk away from the conflict?
She never reports him. She never leaves. She always goes back. Why? In the 18 months he and I were together he never touched me. It never ever got to that stage. Not even close. I always told him that he hurts me, he will never ever see me again, but I don’t think that is the reason he never hurt me. She plays a part in this. She provokes him. Does that mean she likes it? Or does she like what happens afterwards? The apologies, the make up sex, the make up dinners, hand bags, the gifts, the power of knowing that she can end him if she wants too? This woman is no wall flower. She isn’t a doormat. She gives as good as she gets (I have seen his scars) and she definitely wears the pants in that relationship. It doesn’t make what he did excusable, but why is she still there?
Do I believe he is a monster? No I don’t. Do I think he has a mad temper and could be a risk to her and to himself? Yes, absolutely. How do you help people like this? They both need to realise they play a part in this and even though what he did is unforgivable, two people caused this to happen.
I know you are probably reading this thinking I am biased and he is spinning this to get me on his side, and you know what?
He probably is.
There is two sides to every story. Sometimes three. You just have to push past the bullshit to get to the truth.