Tag Archives: depression

Stolen

Someone stole my wallet today.  And I cried for it like a lost friend.  I was so angry about it and the felt that sense of loneliness that I very rarely feel.  I felt useless, hopeless and just sad.  So sad.  This wasn’t just about my wallet.  It was about my life.  The void.  The emptiness that follows me around, most of the time unnoticed but days like today bites you on the ass so god damn hard you can’t control your tears.

My married friends with babies always whinge about how hard their life is.  No sleep, always looking after someone rather than themselves.  But do you know what is harder?  Being on your own.  Completely and utterly on your own.  No one to help.  No one to bitch to, no one to give a shit about you and your silly emotions.

I’m just being self indulgent.  Again, something I very rarely feel/do.  I put myself here.  I made these decisions.  I can’t go back now.

Fuck you wallet.

 

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Today, I wear a mask.

Today, I wear a mask.  Why?  Because without it I may crumble.  Without it I don’t think I can face the day, the reality of this life I am in.  I have never felt so low in my life and feel absolutely powerless to stop the fall.  Where did that strong bubbly Fat Girl go?  I hope she comes back sometime soon.