Tag Archives: crazy

We should meet? Get the fuck out.

So much has happened since I last blogged.  I realise that I have to blog more to get these thoughts out of my head. Can’t count on my mates to support me anymore. I understand why.  I’m doing exactly what they told me not to do.  But it’s my life so fuck what anyone else thinks.   The only problem with that is, when the shit does hit the fan, you either go to your friends and get the ‘I told you so’ or you just suck it up and deal with it on your own.  So I am doing the latter.  Power to me.

So to catch up a little bit, I have brought a new house.  Woo Hoo! First home Buyer! So I am currently writing this on my balcony on my own. Finally on my own.  Champagne on the table and Kanye is blasting from the stereo.  It’s the little things you know.  And my boyfriend and I broke up and he is back with his wife.  Yep, she is here living in Australia. Sweet hey?  The fairy tale for him is just picture perfect.  Please pass me the spew bag.

So obviously I knew that this was always going to happen.  They would always get back together and live happily ever after.  Though to be honest, I did think that by now they would have had a massive row and she would have pissed back off to the US by now.  Clearly I am wrong.

What is interesting though, the ex and I still have remained friends (despite my friends warning me strongly against this) and we see each other often.  He apparently has told his wife that he and I are best best friends, he can’t live without me and she just has to get used to it.  Surely this rings alarm bells in her head.  He says, he has told her everything about me, and us aside from the fact we were fucking each other senseless for over a year, cos you know, that would then cause problems.  But here comes the clacker…. he wants us to meet.  Her and I in the same room.  With him.  Us all together.  What the actual fuck.  So he must of told her a fair bit to want that to happen.  He keeps bringing it up and I keep asking a million questions back.  “What does she know?” “Can I talk about anything?” “What’s off limits?”  All I got back from him was… don’t touch my ass in front of her.  hahaha I’m sorry but the man has the most beautiful ass I have ever seen and even though we are not together anymore I still have to grab it every now and then. hahaha

So we decided that we were going to meet.  In my head I thought it was a good idea.  Any lingering thoughts I had about him would disappear when I saw them together right?  They are in love and meant to be together.  I wouldn’t fit in the picture. right?  One of my friends de-bunked this theory right away.  “What if you see them together, realise they are not suited as much as you and him are and then might want him back?”  Thanks friend. FFS.

I still didn’t believe she knew I existed until the day I was video chatting with him and he says “There is someone I want you to meet..”  and puts her right in front of my face! Me being me, I was ultra friendly and chatty and tried to hide my awkwardness. She didn’t say much.  So I am real and I do exist.   In my head, I think he wants us to meet so she won’t be threatened by me.  I’m white, I’m fat and nothing much to look at.  She’s black, beautiful and 6″4′.  Little does she know, her husband loves bbw’s and get’s off on a fat ass and a big tummy.  Anyhoo, that’s neither here nor there.  We decided that they will come to my new place for dinner.  Awks… but it will be on my territory, so I will feel comfortable.  Righto.  This do this shit and watch it splatter all over my face. I’m just so curious to see them together.  To see her.  To see what I lost against.

So now I’ll take you to this Monday.  I have been overseas and haven’t seen the ex in over a week.  That’s a long time for us.  So he comes over, to catch up and watch some Homeland together.  Nothing new about that. But then something happened.  We fucked. Hard, fast and frantic. As soon as we finished I wanted to cry.  We had gone 4 months as friends and not gone there, and then in one stupid moment it was all shattered. The first thing he said afterwards is “This can never happen again” and then “I love you as well as her….you are an amazing woman”  Well good one fuck face, that doesn’t help me one bit.

He came back the next night, we pretending nothing had happened, but I got this ” You both need to meet, if you don’t, she will make me disappear from you.”  Nothing like an ultimatum.

How the fuck can I meet her, look her in the eye and pretend nothing is going on? Sometimes I wish he had never come into my life and fucked it all up.

 

 

 

 

 

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Never Flirt with a fat girl

Well here I am in the blog land.  For me this is slightly therapeutic and slightly well documentation of years of shit, confusion and general life issues.  Sounds like fun hey!

I don’t even know where to start.  I am a 30 something single woman who is trying to fight every single urge I have to not turn into a crazy in love idiot like everyone else.  I know it sounds harsh, but I am so used to seeing all my coupled women friends do atrocious things to their partners and I vow never to be like that. Never ever.

But here’s the issue.  I met a boy (he is still classified as a boy as he is only 26) and he gives me attention… so guess what?  I am losing my fucking mind.  I am always to go to girl with all my friends when they have love problems.  I have all the answers.  I always know what to say. My advice more often than not, works in the favour, but when it comes to my own “relationship” I lose my shit.  I’m insecure, I say all the wrong things to him, I think he finds me annoying some of the time and I stalk him on Facebook like a mutha fucker.  (Ohh I swear a lot so if you don’t like that I suggest finding another blog to read.)  I am not this girl.  I don’t wanna be this girl.  I don’t want to base my daily happiness on whether he called me last night or not, or what his last facebook share was all about.  Give me a break.  I am smarter than this and god damn it, I know better. So why the hell have my lady balls deserted me when I need them the most.

The female brain simply sucks.  But I am still going to fight it.  Problem with this is that I am so worried about making the mistakes that everyone else has made that I am petrified of doing anything! Don’t say that, don’t act like that, don’t cut off communication, don’t look like shit, don’t get emotional, don’t don’t don’t! For Fuck Sake! Stop! I used to think I had enough confidence to push threw all this shit, but obviously not. I guess I am just like everyone else.

So you may be wondering what is with this title…. Never Flirt with a Fat Girl…. its kind of like give them an inch and they will take a mile, that’s how I feel when it comes to men.  Being a bigger girl, men only need to give me an inch (get your mind outta the gutter!) and I will take a mile… flirt with me and I will think your mine.  Not in a crazy marriage kind of way, but a more of a I’m going to fuck your brains out kind of way.  (Now I’m in the gutter!) Been there done that. But I think I will leave that for my next blog post.  Do I have some stories to tell you!