Tag Archives: cheating

You are taking her where?

When my Ex and I were together we planned a holiday together to Bali.   I was so excited.  I had never been on holidays with a boyfriend before.  I have been to Bali many times so I planned it all.  4 nights in Ubud in the forrest and 3 nights in Nusa so the Ex could go be a crazy man on all those water sports.  Booked.  Payed for.  We were ready to go.  So on the day of, the Ex was acting weird.  More testy that usual.  Had a really short fuse and kept asking the same questions over and over.  I put it down to not knowing much about the trip and not being in control.  Anyway, my brother came over and picked us up and off we went to the airport.  We got about halfway there and the Ex had an epileptic fit. It was the scariest thing I have ever seen.  Eyes rolled back, uncontrollable, foaming at the mouth, the whole thing.  I knew he had Epilepsy as a kid, but didn’t know that it was something we had to be concerned about.  We called an ambulance, got him to hospital, cancelled the holiday and spent the next three days in bed.  I played nurse and he mostly slept.  It was completely out of his control but I was shattered.

Fast forward to now about a year later and the Ex has just taken his wife on a holiday.  Wanna guess where??  Go on guess??  Yep. Bali.  He has taken her on our holiday.  This bothers me greatly.  On top of this, he is sending me pictures of his adventures, he has been gone two days and I’ve already had two video calls and he said this morning that he will take me back there at the end of the year when his wife goes back to the US.  WTF!

WHY AM I PUTTING UP WITH THIS BULLSHIT?? WHY AM I ACCEPTING THIS AND NOT TELLING HIM TO STOP SENDING ME PICTURES EVERY HOUR??

Every picture I get, stabs me in the heart that little bit more.  But I just keep on taking the hits.  I can’t not answer his calls.  I can’t not reply to his messages. I am a fucking idiot.

I am not this person.  I choose not to be this person.  I have to change.  I have to move on.  If I don’t do something about this now, when the wife leaves, I will be back on that roller coaster with him and I don’t want that.  I want someone who puts me first.  Someone that gives me as much as I give them.  I want to love someone fiercely and they will love me back the same way.  Don’t I deserve that?

For fuck sake Fat Girl.  Wake up to him.  And do it soon before it’s too late.

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We should meet? Get the fuck out.

So much has happened since I last blogged.  I realise that I have to blog more to get these thoughts out of my head. Can’t count on my mates to support me anymore. I understand why.  I’m doing exactly what they told me not to do.  But it’s my life so fuck what anyone else thinks.   The only problem with that is, when the shit does hit the fan, you either go to your friends and get the ‘I told you so’ or you just suck it up and deal with it on your own.  So I am doing the latter.  Power to me.

So to catch up a little bit, I have brought a new house.  Woo Hoo! First home Buyer! So I am currently writing this on my balcony on my own. Finally on my own.  Champagne on the table and Kanye is blasting from the stereo.  It’s the little things you know.  And my boyfriend and I broke up and he is back with his wife.  Yep, she is here living in Australia. Sweet hey?  The fairy tale for him is just picture perfect.  Please pass me the spew bag.

So obviously I knew that this was always going to happen.  They would always get back together and live happily ever after.  Though to be honest, I did think that by now they would have had a massive row and she would have pissed back off to the US by now.  Clearly I am wrong.

What is interesting though, the ex and I still have remained friends (despite my friends warning me strongly against this) and we see each other often.  He apparently has told his wife that he and I are best best friends, he can’t live without me and she just has to get used to it.  Surely this rings alarm bells in her head.  He says, he has told her everything about me, and us aside from the fact we were fucking each other senseless for over a year, cos you know, that would then cause problems.  But here comes the clacker…. he wants us to meet.  Her and I in the same room.  With him.  Us all together.  What the actual fuck.  So he must of told her a fair bit to want that to happen.  He keeps bringing it up and I keep asking a million questions back.  “What does she know?” “Can I talk about anything?” “What’s off limits?”  All I got back from him was… don’t touch my ass in front of her.  hahaha I’m sorry but the man has the most beautiful ass I have ever seen and even though we are not together anymore I still have to grab it every now and then. hahaha

So we decided that we were going to meet.  In my head I thought it was a good idea.  Any lingering thoughts I had about him would disappear when I saw them together right?  They are in love and meant to be together.  I wouldn’t fit in the picture. right?  One of my friends de-bunked this theory right away.  “What if you see them together, realise they are not suited as much as you and him are and then might want him back?”  Thanks friend. FFS.

I still didn’t believe she knew I existed until the day I was video chatting with him and he says “There is someone I want you to meet..”  and puts her right in front of my face! Me being me, I was ultra friendly and chatty and tried to hide my awkwardness. She didn’t say much.  So I am real and I do exist.   In my head, I think he wants us to meet so she won’t be threatened by me.  I’m white, I’m fat and nothing much to look at.  She’s black, beautiful and 6″4′.  Little does she know, her husband loves bbw’s and get’s off on a fat ass and a big tummy.  Anyhoo, that’s neither here nor there.  We decided that they will come to my new place for dinner.  Awks… but it will be on my territory, so I will feel comfortable.  Righto.  This do this shit and watch it splatter all over my face. I’m just so curious to see them together.  To see her.  To see what I lost against.

So now I’ll take you to this Monday.  I have been overseas and haven’t seen the ex in over a week.  That’s a long time for us.  So he comes over, to catch up and watch some Homeland together.  Nothing new about that. But then something happened.  We fucked. Hard, fast and frantic. As soon as we finished I wanted to cry.  We had gone 4 months as friends and not gone there, and then in one stupid moment it was all shattered. The first thing he said afterwards is “This can never happen again” and then “I love you as well as her….you are an amazing woman”  Well good one fuck face, that doesn’t help me one bit.

He came back the next night, we pretending nothing had happened, but I got this ” You both need to meet, if you don’t, she will make me disappear from you.”  Nothing like an ultimatum.

How the fuck can I meet her, look her in the eye and pretend nothing is going on? Sometimes I wish he had never come into my life and fucked it all up.