You are taking her where?

When my Ex and I were together we planned a holiday together to Bali.   I was so excited.  I had never been on holidays with a boyfriend before.  I have been to Bali many times so I planned it all.  4 nights in Ubud in the forrest and 3 nights in Nusa so the Ex could go be a crazy man on all those water sports.  Booked.  Payed for.  We were ready to go.  So on the day of, the Ex was acting weird.  More testy that usual.  Had a really short fuse and kept asking the same questions over and over.  I put it down to not knowing much about the trip and not being in control.  Anyway, my brother came over and picked us up and off we went to the airport.  We got about halfway there and the Ex had an epileptic fit. It was the scariest thing I have ever seen.  Eyes rolled back, uncontrollable, foaming at the mouth, the whole thing.  I knew he had Epilepsy as a kid, but didn’t know that it was something we had to be concerned about.  We called an ambulance, got him to hospital, cancelled the holiday and spent the next three days in bed.  I played nurse and he mostly slept.  It was completely out of his control but I was shattered.

Fast forward to now about a year later and the Ex has just taken his wife on a holiday.  Wanna guess where??  Go on guess??  Yep. Bali.  He has taken her on our holiday.  This bothers me greatly.  On top of this, he is sending me pictures of his adventures, he has been gone two days and I’ve already had two video calls and he said this morning that he will take me back there at the end of the year when his wife goes back to the US.  WTF!

WHY AM I PUTTING UP WITH THIS BULLSHIT?? WHY AM I ACCEPTING THIS AND NOT TELLING HIM TO STOP SENDING ME PICTURES EVERY HOUR??

Every picture I get, stabs me in the heart that little bit more.  But I just keep on taking the hits.  I can’t not answer his calls.  I can’t not reply to his messages. I am a fucking idiot.

I am not this person.  I choose not to be this person.  I have to change.  I have to move on.  If I don’t do something about this now, when the wife leaves, I will be back on that roller coaster with him and I don’t want that.  I want someone who puts me first.  Someone that gives me as much as I give them.  I want to love someone fiercely and they will love me back the same way.  Don’t I deserve that?

For fuck sake Fat Girl.  Wake up to him.  And do it soon before it’s too late.

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